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How to Respond to Feedback

Sometimes you get feedback from people, and it HURTS!!!

It could be from a client, boss, team member, spouse, friend, parent, maybe even a child.


"Hey, I don't like it when you act like that."

"Your numbers have been slipping for a few months, and you need to get that figured out."

"Hey Dad, I don't like it when you’re on your phone so much."

"Your work just hasn't been as good as it used to be, what’s going on?"

"I don't feel like I can be honest without you getting upset."

"This product is not what I expected it to be."


Getting feedback that hurts, sucks.

When we get hurt, we recoil just like touching a hot pizza pan (like I did last night).

It feels like we are cut through the belly and makes us want to RUN or hide!!!!


Don't run!


Instead, answer these 2 questions:

  1. Do you trust, respect, or love this person?
  2. How will you respond?


If the answer to #1 is NO, disregard what they say completely and move on.

"They don't get a vote, " as my friend John Delony says.


If the answer to #1 is YES, then move to question #2:

How will you respond?


First, you have to separate your feelings from the truth of what is being said.

When people you respect, love, and trust tell you the truth of how they are experiencing you, it is a gift.

I know it doesn't feel like a gift, but it is.

Most of the time you don't get that kind of feedback and you keep blindly doing dumb things, so getting some self-awareness is a beautiful (painful) gift.


Second, take the feedback and try to fix it.


This is some of the work of the Wilderness.

The Wilderness is where you are transformed, and that transformation comes from people telling us the truth.

If you run from it, it may turn to resentment, you will not grow and you will stay in the Wilderness.

Yes, it sucks.

If you feel you are still in the wilderness, it means you still have work to do.


Me too by the way.


So, if you have been getting some feedback that hurts recently from people you respect, trust, and love, take it for the gift that it is and try to fix it.